The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
