I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it glows. i had to have it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
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the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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