playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
