It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
