____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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