Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize