The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
