If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
