You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love how my cats smell like pot.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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