we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
