Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
