I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
