Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
