I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
