Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize