i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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