There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
