Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
