Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I die, sorry about rent.
Drunk is not a location!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
