I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize