In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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