Her vagina should come with caution tape.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
