I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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