gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
