I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
