How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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