He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize