On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
