You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
