I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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