You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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