Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
