If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
