I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize