I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
