I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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