Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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