just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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