Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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