I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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