batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
