FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
