my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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