yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
