bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
