I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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