my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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