Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
