im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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