before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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