theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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