You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
