After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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