this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
