someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
