I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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