i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
