I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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